I've been saying this to myself a lot lately. A couple of weeks ago I had a few breakdowns where I would cry "for no reason". When Jeff would ask me what was wrong I would blurt out that I felt stretched. I felt like I had too much on my plate. I felt like I wasn't doing anything that well - I was doing a lot of things just okay. I am a mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, niece, sister, friend, employee, neighbor, etc. Of all of those things, I felt like the only thing I was doing pretty well was being a mother, and on days when Lucas tested me I would question that.
One night, after one of those days, I was laying in bed pondering, praying, meditating, thinking... whatever you want to call it. All of a sudden it dawned on me. The words just came into my head, "I am Lucas's Mama." I realized that I can be all of the things that I want to be, but just not all at once. "Life is a marathon, not a sprint" (not sure who said this). I will have a perfectly clean house one day, but it may not be until all of the kids have moved out of the house. I can volunteer in my community one day, just not that much right now. I can go on week long trips with my husband to places we dream of visiting, just not right now. I can call all of my friends that I haven't talked to in months, just maybe not this week. Right now I am Lucas's mama and that is my priority. Lucas won't need as much of my attention one day, probably sooner than I really want, and I'll have time to be good at some of my other roles.
I'm sure that everyone reading this feels the same way sometimes. May you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
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6 comments:
What a perfect way to say this... You found the words so many of us (especially me!) have been looking for. Thanks for this post.
Perfectly stated. You are a great mom, wife, sister, friend...etc...always remeber that you expect more from yourslf than anyone else. I think we all have been there and you put it into words so eloquently....being someone's mama is the most important, rewarding and influential job we will ever have. (I am not sure if it is my pregnancy hormones or what but reading this post made me tear up!)
As mother's we all feel that way. You explained that perfectly. Thanks for the post....
ps.... Go Jackets.
Thanks for putting that out there... I feel the same way all the time. All the other stuff, like a clean house, vacations (even though they sound great), are not important. What matters is that we devote ourselves to our babies... and you do an awesome job at that!
Ha ha- me too me too! (as you can probably tell since I have not called you back since Friday!) I miss you & am sorry we have not talked in so long! I'll hopefully have a few minutes free to call soon!
Hire a cleaning person! I'll give you mine's number. Nothing will make you feel more "together" than a clean house. Really, it is totally worth it. And if that doesn't work, send your laundry out too! Life is too short to feel limited by that kind of thing.
My Aunt was a corporate attorney and mother of three. She was also a take no prisoners kind of person, but anyway... she told me, "Some days I was a wonderful employee. Some days I was a wonderful mother. I was never both on the same day."
Everyone wants a piece of you and me. Can't blame them, we have so much to offer ;) But guess what? you don't have to please ANYONE anytime, let alone some of the time. In my opinion, You are yourself first, wife second, then mama next. Everything else is negotiable and will change in your lifetime many times. Isn't that hard to believe? But if you have nothing, you have nothing to offer too.... right?
Now go get a massage or pedicure or yoga class or something that is JUST for Shanna. Then have date night with your cutie hubbie. Then make your son breakfast and fix his hair all cute and crazy again.
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