Falling for her...

When I first got pregnant with our second baby I had mixed emotions. I expected the same overwhelming feeling of excitement that I felt when pregnant with Lucas, but it didn't come. Instead of being a dreamer, I had become a realist. I already knew that raising one child was incredibly hard and was terrified of how much harder it would be with an infant. Instead of talking about baby names and how to decorate the nursery, we talked about how to budget for child care. On top of that I felt horrible about how Lucas's life would change. Of course it would be great in the long run, but at first he was going to have to share his mama with someone else. The fact that he is still nursing was also a big part of it - how would this all work out?

Eighteen weeks have passed and I feel quite different now and am very thankful that we have 9 months to prepare for our new life. I started to bond with "baby sister", as Lucas calls her, a few weeks ago when I first started feeling her move. Then we found out that she was a girl, which was the smartest thing we ever did. I love being able to think of her in little dresses and hair in pigtails with bows. We can also focus in on girl names... we have a decent list of names, but no favorites so far.

Last night was when I felt like I could say for the first time that I love our little girl. I can feel her move several times a day and Jeff even felt her move for the first time today. We were watching a movie about a pregnant girl and I was sobbing when they delivered the crying newborn. Yay! I am so excited about this pregnancy now and can't wait to meet "baby sister".

As far as my feelings for Lucas go, they haven't changed, but I think it has helped that I see how much he likes school and how he can survive without me being around him every second. I know from talking to friends that there will be an adjustment period, but a sibling is really a wonderful gift that I know he'll appreciate some day.