I don't know if I ever actually said this on the blog, for fear of how I'd actually feel and Ellen seeing it later on, but I was afraid I wouldn't love Ellen as much as Lucas or as quickly as Lucas. I KNOW that every mom of one can relate to this. I knew it had to work, but was really afraid that it was impossible to find love for another child.
Because of these feelings, when they put Ellen on my chest I was overwhelmed by the love that I instantly felt for her. It was so amazing. Maybe it was because she looked so familiar (like Lucas) or because I didn't get to experience this with Lucas because he was vacuumed and had to be examined quickly, but it happened... I instantly loved her. Not only loved her, but was in love with her!
She was born around 11pm and it wasn't until 2am that Jeff and I were settled into our room and ready to go to sleep. They gave me a lecture about sleeping with Ellen in the bed with me before they left us alone. I tried to put her in her bassinet, but it was impossible to leave that little baby alone. I scooped her up and just held her all night while she slept and practiced nursing. I was so pumped on my natural high that there was no way I was going to sleep anyway. The thoughts that were going through my mind were, "Wow, this is so amazing. I can't believe what just happened. I can't believe that Jeff and I made this baby. We prepared for her for 9 months and now she's here. This is SO amazing. I can't believe that she is part of our family and she looks a little like all three of us. We're so blessed by this little girl."
Three days later I still feel the same. I can't wait to hold her when I'm not and I could look at her little face all day long. Sweet Ellen : )
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3 comments:
That's so funny that they gave you a lecture about co-sleeping in the hospital. Let's hope the lecture was about how to SAFELY co-sleep. If only there were more publications on how to do it the right way and the benefits of co-sleeping.
You've given Ellen a perfect first few days of life. Congratulations!
As a wise woman once told me, it's love multiplied, not divided! How definitely true that is! Mother of two perfect daughters, 17 months apart!
Thank you for this post - it gives me confidence that everything will be okay :)
So glad that things are going well for you and that you are enjoying this special time.
We can't wait to meet your little angel!
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