I've heard that you are supposed to give kids a choice these days. Like, do you want milk or water? Do you want an apple or a banana? Do you want to go to bed now or in 2 min? So we've been doing this with Lucas for as long as I can remember. You always wonder whether or not they are listening or processing what you are saying, but now we know that he's been listening. Just not sure he TOTALLY gets it. Here's what I mean...
Scene: One morning before school.
Jeff: "Lucas, please put on your shoes. It's time to go to school."
Lucas: "I want to watch Curious George."
Jeff: "Well, we don't have time now. Maybe after school."
Lucas: "The choice is go to school or watch Curious George. I watch Curious George. DAT'S MY CHOICE!" (as he stomps his foot, points his finger and talks in a big, serious voice).
But then we have a conversation like this and I feel a little better...
Scene: A guy at the grocery store gives him a cookie, but we had just bought a little bag of jelly beans as a treat.
Shanna: "Lucas, you have to make a choice. You can have the cookie or the jelly beans."
Lucas: "I have the cookie now and the jelly beans after later. Dat's my choice cause too much sugar makes my belly hurt!" (again with the serious, laying-down-the-law voice).
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2 comments:
Gosh, I feel so much better now. Katrin has twisted the "two choices" rule to suit her needs too. "My choice is....." I usually respond w/ something like, "Yes, you can ___ after you____ or when you ___...." and her hearing the "yes, you can..." seems to immediately calm her and get her buy in. Even w/ the contingency at the end of the sentence.
Oh yes, there does come a time when they begin to manipulate the "choices" in order to get their way. When Sophie got a little older, I had to teach her that she didn't get to choose whether or not to listen and obey. She had many choices, but when mommy said "no" or when it was time to clean up or I asked her to do something, there was no negotiating or telling me that she would do it later when she was ready. They are very perceptive and smart. I had to become a little more firm when she was about 3 1/2 so she would learn to respect not just me, but teachers and other adults too. If you are not careful, they will begin to control every decision in the house and it will feel like they are running things instead of the parents. Child-led is a beautiful concept, but there should be a balance so they learn to respect authority too. At least that is what we discovered with Sophie :)
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